Open letter to Scala

This post was inspired by Make Love Not Flame Wars

Hi Scala and the other “wannabes”,

This is a quote I heard somewhere.

You can know people with convoluted self esteems by how much they try to put other people down

The truth is I hate people like that. I know you can do some things better than I can, but please tell me what you can do, not how you are better than me.

This contractor walked into my office and talked for 30 mins, for 25 out of those 30 mins, he was telling me about his competitor and how he was better than him. The remaining 5 mins he told me some bollocks about how happy he would be if he got the job. What I did? I called the competitor and gave them the job. Why? He already told me what the competitor can do.

Dear Scala, please stop telling me how Java is retarded, I know. Stop showing me how you can do X in 1 LOC in Scala, but it will take a gazillion LOC in Java, I know. The problem I have with you is that you seem to be unable to successfully present yourself to me IN YOUR OWN LIGHT, but you just must find a way to trash Java so as to make you look good.

This was the attitude your distant cousin Ruby too some years past, where is she now? I hate her, not the kind of passionate hatred I have for PHP, or the kind of “dining with a long spoon” hatred I have for Python, but the kind of hatred that made me see Ruby as incompetent in herself. In fact, I am sure I might NEVER write another LOC in Ruby.

And your other half cousin Python, always wanting to be everything. Last time he was telling me how he is also functional and object oriented at the same time. I heard him trashing C, my old faithful and he was saying he is here to replace bash and shell the first time I met him.

Look Scala, I like you, and that is why I am writing you this letter. Tell me what you can do, and leave me to Judge if you can do it better than X or Y. Look at perl, he is not trying to be anything but perl. Look at erlang, he is not competing with anyone but himself, he tells you what he can do, and leaves you to decide. I love erlang. I want to love you too, but please stop being annoying. You are better than that. Tell me about how “functional” you are. Tell me about how you up hold “Object Orientation” in your core. Tell me the beauty of building a language on the JVM, let us know why it is so elegant to combine OOP with functional programing. You see all those wonderful things people have achieved through you, like Lift and AKKA and SPEC, tell me more about them. That is the stuffs I want to hear. If I see another LOC comparison again, that is it between us.

The truth is most of the boiler plate codes you show me in your LOC comparisons are rubbish. I never ever have to write those codes myself, that is the work of my IDE, netbeans handles those well. I also hear about IntelliJ and eclipse and how wonderful they are, so quit talking out of your ass, tell me something you know, not something you heard.

That is it, I hope this letter reaches you on time.

I am not hoping to hear from you soon, but if you deem it fit to respond, then fine, you know where to get me.

Your Sincere Admirer and Learner.

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8 Comments »

  1. Arthur said

    I’m not really into any of the Python, Ruby, Scala but mainly Java (Desktop Apps) and PHP (Rapid clientside data manipulation, general scripting).

    So why exactly do you hate PHP with a passion ?

    • haaa….quite a number of reasons.

      the one that readily comes to mind is

      $alter = $altar + 1;

      • Arthur said

        I assume you mean that as $altAr is a typo and not initialized, the result will always be $altEr = 1 … without giving any warning or error …

        Kind of nasty but i can’t say i’ve ever run into that behavior as a major annoyance.

  2. […] Open letter to Scala « There’s no place like 127.0.0.1 Description : This is a quote I heard somewhere. You can know people with convoluted self esteems by how much they try to put other people down. The truth is I hate people like that. I know you can do some things better than I can, but please tell me what you can do, … The truth is most of the boiler plate codes you show me in your LOC comparisons are rubbish. I never ever have to write those codes myself, that is the work of my IDE, netbeans handles those well. … http://trinisoftinc.wordpress. .. […]

  3. […] Open letter to Scala « There’s no place like 127.0.0.1 Description : This is a quote I heard somewhere. You can know people with convoluted self esteems by how much they try to put other people down. The truth is I hate people like that. I know you can do some things better than I can, but please tell me what you can do, … The truth is most of the boiler plate codes you show me in your LOC comparisons are rubbish. I never ever have to write those codes myself, that is the work of my IDE, netbeans handles those well. … http://trinisoftinc.wordpress. .. […]

  4. […] Open letter to Scala « There’s no place like 127.0.0.1 Description : This is a quote I heard somewhere. You can know people with convoluted self esteems by how much they try to put other people down. The truth is I hate people like that. I know you can do some things better than I can, but please tell me what you can do, … The truth is most of the boiler plate codes you show me in your LOC comparisons are rubbish. I never ever have to write those codes myself, that is the work of my IDE, netbeans handles those well. … http://trinisoftinc.wordpress. .. […]

  5. […] Open letter to Scala « There’s no place like 127.0.0.1 Description : This is a quote I heard somewhere. You can know people with convoluted self esteems by how much they try to put other people down. The truth is I hate people like that. I know you can do some things better than I can, but please tell me what you can do, … The truth is most of the boiler plate codes you show me in your LOC comparisons are rubbish. I never ever have to write those codes myself, that is the work of my IDE, netbeans handles those well. … http://trinisoftinc.wordpress. .. […]

  6. sickmyduck said

    Another rant by an incapable programmer who couldn’t learn scala completely. Why the fuck are you asking the language to talk about its own merits when its your duty to find out?? If scala had a dick, you should be sucking it without any second thoughts….seriously!

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